Development is About Connection

I just finished reading Idan Ravin's The Hoops Whisperer for the second time. For those unfamiliar, Ravin went from an overworked and unsatisfied lawyer to training many of the world's best basketball players. It's a story of dream chasing and carving your own path, one that deeply resonates with me. 

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As I read it, I thought about the connection between players and those that work with them: trainers, managers, coaches, even parents. When you speak to these different groups in isolation, all have the right intentions. Yet, they rarely see to eye. 

The Great Contrast

Every day, I seem to read stories like this one, where coaches are being dismissed in a cloud of a smoke. The truth rarely comes out, and the lessons of acting with integrity and battling through adversity, preached everyday in practice, are glaring omissions from administrations. 

Personally, I've been on both sides of this: as a player, I watched parents pass around a petition during one of our games to have our coach fired. As a coach, I've received emails and even been told to my face that I was doing a piss poor job. 

After publishing two books, both about basketball, I received glowing feedback from some of these same people (the irony). 

At the end of the day, I've tried to reconcile with myself that parents simply want what's best for their kids. Administrations owe it to parents and students alike to hire coaches that know what they're doing, act with integrity, and create a positive environment for all involved. 

So, if that's the intention of both sides, why the constant friction? 

More than anything else, I believe it starts and ends with egos. Most coaches know what they're doing and have a plan for their programs. Those that don't should be shown the door under basic governance. 

Unfortunately, most parents can't realistically evaluate their kids' skill sets. Many don't even the know the rules of the sport. Even further, when coaches open the door and invite them to practice, most invent a negative excuse and refuse. 

As a coach, I always invited the feedback. I'd rather hear it face to face, even if I didn't like it, then be a swirling part of the rumor mill. Better yet, I've worked with plenty of kids whose parents know the game. Ignoring their feedback and suggestions would've been bad for me (and the kids). 

Idan Ravin's talked about what made Phil Jackson special: his unique ability to get players to feel something.

Love

One of the things that stuck out most to me in Ravin's book was the concept of love. His breakdown below of what would happen to a kid's relationship with sports if many things were taken away is worth pondering. 

There are people that read this and immediately start asking questions: how old is the kid? Is this realistic? 

Let's put the questions aside for a minute and just reflect on his point: does your child truly love the sport? 

I lived this as a basketball player, and to this day, I can unapologetically say "I love the game." 

Too many parents know the answer to this question but are afraid to answer it. And if your child is truly "unsure," I'm not proposing they stop playing while they figure it out. 

I'm simply saying: by the time high school rolls around, your expectations as a parent need to align with your kid's love for the sport. If they love it, love it with them. If they don't and you're a thorn in a coach's side...man, that's a tough stance to reconcile. 

The Solution

I'll preface this by simply stating: I don't have all the answers. 

However, if you have a young athlete, do me a favor: think about how the people involved in their athletic development mesh. If they have a trainer who teaches something different than a high school coach, is this a positive or a negative? Are they becoming more respectful, disciplined kids after they interact with these people? 

If you're a parent, what's your relationship like with the high school coach? I'm not suggesting you need to be buddy buddy, but you sure as hell better respect each other. If you have concerns, sit down and talk with them. 

Coaches: get to know your parents. They should understand your program philosophies as well as the kids do. If they see the big picture and are bought in, you'll save yourself a lot a headaches down the road. 

High school sports should be positive experiences for all involved. And frankly, what they learn on the court and as part of a team are as important as its ever been given the number of things young people struggle with. 

Let's be better as communities to support young people, but most importantly, support all of the people involved so that our kids can reap the full benefits.